January 4, 2012

Word of the Day: Abase (verb) to embarrass or shame someone else; it also means to lower yourself physically or in rank

Quote of the Day: Put your big girl panties on and deal with it.

Simplicity....that should have been my word for the day. Why? Because that’s my motto this year, my New Year’s resolution if you will. SIMPLICITY

I want to simplify my mind, my house, my body, my work space....everything. (Well except my books)

There is no need for 3 sets of dishes in my kitchen cabinets. There is no need for 5 different kinds of shampoo in my shower, but they are there. I want to simplify it.

If I can figure out a way to dispose of the negative thoughts I put on myself maybe I could get on with life and not dwell on what I don’t have and maybe be appreciative for what I do have.

My body has always been a huge (no pun intended) issue in my life. Well I’m up to the biggest I’ve ever been and I’m not going to put up with it. Failure is not an option at this point in my life. It’s either get up and do something about myself or.... Well at this weight it’s either do or die.

My work space....well what can I say, I work well in chaos. But I technically don’t need the 15 writing pads I have hoarded in my desk drawer, or the 2 jumbo packs of colored paper clips, but there they are hiding out in my desk. Trying to take over my life with clutter.

SIMPLICITY....it’s what I’m striving for this year. Along with it will come a healthy mind and body, and cleaner house and office and hopefully an overall better Jessica.

I say bring it on 2012....this will be my year even if it kills me.

Promises...Promises

Ok I'm really going to try and post more often. I thought I would have more to say, but.... I guess I was wrong.

1955

I guess everyone has someone that they would like to meet or look up to. Besides Jesus, and Bo Duke from the Dukes of Hazard, mine was always James Dean.

I remember as a pre teen wishing he hadn’t of died. That I would maybe one day be able to meet him, but I can’t.

See today back in 1955, his young, tortured, twisted, beautiful soul was taken from this earth; in a tragic death undeserving to him. Although I guess it fit into his fast lane life.

In high school I remember reading my first biography and it was about James Dean. My preconceived notions about him where more or less turned upside down and inside out. At first I thought that my view of him would be ruined by some of the things that took place during his short life, but it didn’t. I only loved the little bit more I knew about him. That was his character, the person he became to be.

3 quotes of his I love

“Dream as if you’ll live forever. Live as if you’ll die today”

“The gratification comes in the doing, not in the result”

“If a man can bridge the gap between life and death, if he can live on after he’s dead, then maybe he was a great man”


I’ll have to admit he hasn’t crossed my mind in a while. I will have to go dig up that first biography I ever read and reread it this weekend. I might even have to add a few James Dean things to my Christmas list this year too.

Worthwhile

So it was a crazy manic Monday as always in our house.

I pick up the kids from school; we fight all the way home about what we are having for dinner. They want to go out; I want to use up the $200 worth of groceries I bought Saturday. Never the less we make it home and all decide on what to eat. They go outside while I cook and watch the garbage truck and spray each other with silly string they just had to have from the Dollar Tree. Once all this done and dinner has been consumed, not without a little argument that pizza would have been better, we come upon the time of night where it’s all I can do not to pull my hair out.

I love my children, don’t get me wrong, but I’ve worked all day, fought with them on the way home, cooked dinner and now it’s time to do home work and make sure they have brushed their teeth for the week….I meant for the night.

But during all this hair pulling time, I know that something will happen that will make it all worthwhile. Usually it’s the bed side prayers or kisses good night. Tonight however it was a comment my son made to my daughter while she was in the bathtub.

I’m putting away ketchup and sweet tea, when I hear my son yell out, “Hey I can help you wash your nuts!”

I turn to my husband and ask ”did he just say what I think he said?”

Husbands response “yep”

To this all I could do was smile.

Not only because it was funny, but when I asked my son “what nuts?”

He’s response ,”you know the ones that the squirrels eat!”

Ahh, it makes it all worthwhile.

MIA

So I’ve been MIA for a while now. A while doesn’t really sum it up, but anyway….

So if you don’t know I’m trying my best to write a book. Well I’ve written it and done a few edits, but I lost my mojo. Not just mojo of writing, but of life.

I have been wondering aimlessly through life with all hope gone. I left my husband for a couple of months. I have lost 41lbs that is the one great thing that has happened. I stopped writing, I stopped reading, I stop mid stride in life. I’m not sure how or why all this happened, but it made me take a good hard look at myself. And guess what I didn’t like the person I had become.

So guess what? The old saying “Only you can change yourself”, well guess what it’s true. So I’m on a mission to find that girl that longs to be let free.
I’m not quite back to writing and editing on my book, but I can feel it’s almost there.

When the poetry starts to spill forth, then I’m almost there and guess what it’s been spilling.

Oh TGIF!!!

I’ve lost myself. I’m wondering through drifts of fog, grasping onto anything that feels real and familiar.

Hoping that someone can find me, when I must truly find myself.

I’m suffocating through the emotions that course through my veins, yet my body is unwilling to let them drain forth and explore the world.

I’ve never found the true me, only pieces scattered like leaves after an autumn storm.

Drowning in the darkness from the forest that surrounds me, unwilling to let the sun penetrate through their limbs, as the thorns puncture and tear away my layers of skin, I pray for the rain to wash away the doubt.

The doubt that has crept in like a creature of the night, that tells me I’m not who I think I am.

My true self rages to be let free.

Yet I wonder through the fog hoping for the strength to make it one more day.

Party like a Rock Star!

Party like a Rock Star!

Ok, so I didn’t really party like a Rock Star, but I did have a good time.
This past weekend I went to Nashville to visit one of my closest best friends from high school. I took off Friday and drove all by myself, which is a major accomplishment all on it’s on. I don’t drive, especially by myself and not for a 6 hour trip.
First thing on the agenda was to go to one of the local wineries in a neighboring town. We tasted plenty and bought lots. Before 5 we had downed a bottle. So off we went to get her second tattoo. I was there for moral support. Especially since I just had 5 new ones added about a month ago. This is her new one.


















From there we went out to eat. Not much to say about that. From there we went to the liquor store. I think we had way too much fun in there. Here are some pics of my friend. Oh by the way her name is Amy.



















Now just to let you know, at this point I have already spent more on alcohol than gas to get there. Glad I have my priorities straight, right? Really I’m not a drunk and I don’t drink often. So two glasses of wine, is more than plenty in one sitting.
Well as if Friday wasn’t jam packed enough we stayed up until 3 in the morning playing guitar hero. Drums, guitar, bass, and singer all included. I was bass and I’m not very good at it. Especially since I had more than two glasses of wine. Soon we crashed, unfortunately my body wanted to get up at 6, but I told it no. I only made it to 9.
Over all it was a great trip. Saturday was very uneventful, due to the weather. Sunday I headed home. A girl needs a little get-away now and then.

Oh and this wanted to sit in my lap the whole weekend.


Not a bad thing, except I’m allergic to cats!