January 4, 2012

Word of the Day: Abase (verb) to embarrass or shame someone else; it also means to lower yourself physically or in rank

Quote of the Day: Put your big girl panties on and deal with it.

Simplicity....that should have been my word for the day. Why? Because that’s my motto this year, my New Year’s resolution if you will. SIMPLICITY

I want to simplify my mind, my house, my body, my work space....everything. (Well except my books)

There is no need for 3 sets of dishes in my kitchen cabinets. There is no need for 5 different kinds of shampoo in my shower, but they are there. I want to simplify it.

If I can figure out a way to dispose of the negative thoughts I put on myself maybe I could get on with life and not dwell on what I don’t have and maybe be appreciative for what I do have.

My body has always been a huge (no pun intended) issue in my life. Well I’m up to the biggest I’ve ever been and I’m not going to put up with it. Failure is not an option at this point in my life. It’s either get up and do something about myself or.... Well at this weight it’s either do or die.

My work space....well what can I say, I work well in chaos. But I technically don’t need the 15 writing pads I have hoarded in my desk drawer, or the 2 jumbo packs of colored paper clips, but there they are hiding out in my desk. Trying to take over my life with clutter.

SIMPLICITY....it’s what I’m striving for this year. Along with it will come a healthy mind and body, and cleaner house and office and hopefully an overall better Jessica.

I say bring it on 2012....this will be my year even if it kills me.

Promises...Promises

Ok I'm really going to try and post more often. I thought I would have more to say, but.... I guess I was wrong.

1955

I guess everyone has someone that they would like to meet or look up to. Besides Jesus, and Bo Duke from the Dukes of Hazard, mine was always James Dean.

I remember as a pre teen wishing he hadn’t of died. That I would maybe one day be able to meet him, but I can’t.

See today back in 1955, his young, tortured, twisted, beautiful soul was taken from this earth; in a tragic death undeserving to him. Although I guess it fit into his fast lane life.

In high school I remember reading my first biography and it was about James Dean. My preconceived notions about him where more or less turned upside down and inside out. At first I thought that my view of him would be ruined by some of the things that took place during his short life, but it didn’t. I only loved the little bit more I knew about him. That was his character, the person he became to be.

3 quotes of his I love

“Dream as if you’ll live forever. Live as if you’ll die today”

“The gratification comes in the doing, not in the result”

“If a man can bridge the gap between life and death, if he can live on after he’s dead, then maybe he was a great man”


I’ll have to admit he hasn’t crossed my mind in a while. I will have to go dig up that first biography I ever read and reread it this weekend. I might even have to add a few James Dean things to my Christmas list this year too.

Worthwhile

So it was a crazy manic Monday as always in our house.

I pick up the kids from school; we fight all the way home about what we are having for dinner. They want to go out; I want to use up the $200 worth of groceries I bought Saturday. Never the less we make it home and all decide on what to eat. They go outside while I cook and watch the garbage truck and spray each other with silly string they just had to have from the Dollar Tree. Once all this done and dinner has been consumed, not without a little argument that pizza would have been better, we come upon the time of night where it’s all I can do not to pull my hair out.

I love my children, don’t get me wrong, but I’ve worked all day, fought with them on the way home, cooked dinner and now it’s time to do home work and make sure they have brushed their teeth for the week….I meant for the night.

But during all this hair pulling time, I know that something will happen that will make it all worthwhile. Usually it’s the bed side prayers or kisses good night. Tonight however it was a comment my son made to my daughter while she was in the bathtub.

I’m putting away ketchup and sweet tea, when I hear my son yell out, “Hey I can help you wash your nuts!”

I turn to my husband and ask ”did he just say what I think he said?”

Husbands response “yep”

To this all I could do was smile.

Not only because it was funny, but when I asked my son “what nuts?”

He’s response ,”you know the ones that the squirrels eat!”

Ahh, it makes it all worthwhile.

MIA

So I’ve been MIA for a while now. A while doesn’t really sum it up, but anyway….

So if you don’t know I’m trying my best to write a book. Well I’ve written it and done a few edits, but I lost my mojo. Not just mojo of writing, but of life.

I have been wondering aimlessly through life with all hope gone. I left my husband for a couple of months. I have lost 41lbs that is the one great thing that has happened. I stopped writing, I stopped reading, I stop mid stride in life. I’m not sure how or why all this happened, but it made me take a good hard look at myself. And guess what I didn’t like the person I had become.

So guess what? The old saying “Only you can change yourself”, well guess what it’s true. So I’m on a mission to find that girl that longs to be let free.
I’m not quite back to writing and editing on my book, but I can feel it’s almost there.

When the poetry starts to spill forth, then I’m almost there and guess what it’s been spilling.

Oh TGIF!!!

I’ve lost myself. I’m wondering through drifts of fog, grasping onto anything that feels real and familiar.

Hoping that someone can find me, when I must truly find myself.

I’m suffocating through the emotions that course through my veins, yet my body is unwilling to let them drain forth and explore the world.

I’ve never found the true me, only pieces scattered like leaves after an autumn storm.

Drowning in the darkness from the forest that surrounds me, unwilling to let the sun penetrate through their limbs, as the thorns puncture and tear away my layers of skin, I pray for the rain to wash away the doubt.

The doubt that has crept in like a creature of the night, that tells me I’m not who I think I am.

My true self rages to be let free.

Yet I wonder through the fog hoping for the strength to make it one more day.

Party like a Rock Star!

Party like a Rock Star!

Ok, so I didn’t really party like a Rock Star, but I did have a good time.
This past weekend I went to Nashville to visit one of my closest best friends from high school. I took off Friday and drove all by myself, which is a major accomplishment all on it’s on. I don’t drive, especially by myself and not for a 6 hour trip.
First thing on the agenda was to go to one of the local wineries in a neighboring town. We tasted plenty and bought lots. Before 5 we had downed a bottle. So off we went to get her second tattoo. I was there for moral support. Especially since I just had 5 new ones added about a month ago. This is her new one.


















From there we went out to eat. Not much to say about that. From there we went to the liquor store. I think we had way too much fun in there. Here are some pics of my friend. Oh by the way her name is Amy.



















Now just to let you know, at this point I have already spent more on alcohol than gas to get there. Glad I have my priorities straight, right? Really I’m not a drunk and I don’t drink often. So two glasses of wine, is more than plenty in one sitting.
Well as if Friday wasn’t jam packed enough we stayed up until 3 in the morning playing guitar hero. Drums, guitar, bass, and singer all included. I was bass and I’m not very good at it. Especially since I had more than two glasses of wine. Soon we crashed, unfortunately my body wanted to get up at 6, but I told it no. I only made it to 9.
Over all it was a great trip. Saturday was very uneventful, due to the weather. Sunday I headed home. A girl needs a little get-away now and then.

Oh and this wanted to sit in my lap the whole weekend.


Not a bad thing, except I’m allergic to cats!

Misprint

I'm not sure what to say other than check this out.

The Cullen's are near.

So, I’ve explained the fact that my 5 year old son loves Twilight, well listen to this story. (Short but cute)

Saturday afternoon my husband was going to the grocery store and spared me a quiet moment with myself by taking the kids. At one of the red lights my son turns to my husband and has a very serious look in his face and say, “Daddy, the Cullen’s are near.” So my husband says, “Yeah, how do you know?” And my son turns and with a smile on his face says and points out the window at the car beside them and says, “Because that’s their Jeep.”







I so wish I could have been there to hear and see it first hand, but it was great.

Silence

Sorry for the silence. My grandmother passed away last week and it has been crazy to say the least. I will do my best to get back into routine next week.

Obsession

I told you last week that my 5 year old son has watched Twilight more than I have. Now you might be asking yourself son? Yes son, not my 8 year daughter. He loves it, and when I say love I mean obsessed by it. He has probably watched it a hundred times.

In the very beginning he compared himself to Edward.
‘Mommy does Edward bathe? Because if he doesn’t I don’t need to.’
To this I responded yes he bathes.
‘Mommy does Edward brush his teeth, because if he doesn’t I’m not going to either.’
‘Mommy Edward doesn’t sleep, so I don’t think I need to sleep either.’
So you see my dilemma, but he loves it.

And he can scope out anything Twilight in the stores. I’m not in the door good at Border’s and he has rushed to the table of collectible dolls, jewelry and calendars demanding one of everything.

Now I did go and watch the New Moon movie when it hit the theatre. Of course he wanted to go to, but I talked him into waiting for it to hit the movie stores. And to my disbelief 10 days before its release he started the countdown. He would announce to everyone he came in contact with that ‘The New Twilight was coming out in 10 days.’ Yes that’s what he called it, but now that we ran out and bought it on the 20th, it’s become New Moon. So when we went to Border’s to get the special 2 disc set again, he was more than elated. It was late before we were able to put it in and watch, but that sweet baby stayed up until 11p.m. to watch this movie. I figured he would have conked out at the beginning but he did not. Not once did he talk, move, or blink his eyes. For him that is a miracle on all accounts. Most days getting him to watch cartoons while cook supper is hard enough. He's a busy body and never sits still, but for New Moon, he does.

Reading other genres

So I tried to broaden my horizons this week and step out of my normal genre of reading. I mostly read fantasy/YA, I have read a few others, and I’m not sure how to classify Nicholas Sparks. So one of my co-workers said he would bring me a couple of Crime/Police Thrillers, if you will, to try out. I’m always game for something new. For the most part I’ll try anything once, except eating bugs. I might drag my feet at first, like on reading Twilight, but I do try

I’m not going to list the books, because I wouldn’t want to trash someone’s blood, sweat and tears. I’m sure there are many people out there that probably loved that book. I made it to chapter 6 on the first book; of course it was like pulling teeth to do so. At this point I decided I had tried enough. So I'm going to put it down. Which is hard for me. I don't like leaving unfinished books, but you have to know when to cut your ties and move on. Now even though I didn’t enjoy this one book, I’m still going to give the other a try this weekend. I’ll let you know how it goes.


So is it hard for you to read outside of your comfort zone?




Oh and has anyone noticed I like to say “SO”?

Twilight

I’m going to admit I was not a big fan of Twilight when it first came out. I know, I know I can hear the SNARFS from here. Just hear me out.

For almost ten years I didn’t read. I got married, had kids, I thought there is no time for reading, so I didn’t. So up until this point my only vampire history was by Anne Rice. No sunshine, sleeping in coffins, this was my background. I hadn’t realized that there was this whole new world and take on vampires. My mind was not opened to this new perspective. So I SNARFED at Twilight. But with much determination from my bestie, I read the first book. It sat on my night stand for 2 weeks before I finally picked it up and read it. Now if you’re a Twilight fan than you will know that I was immediately hooked. And by hooked I mean, I cooked while reading it, I tried to bathe my kids while reading it, if I was sitting in line at the bank or waiting to pick up my daughter in the car lane I was reading it, I stayed up late to read it. I WAS HOOKED!

Once I finished Twilight I ran out and got all the rest of the books and devoured them in about 4 days. From there I read them all again.

Are you ready to SNARF again? At this point I was still not convinced that I wanted to see the movie. But I went ahead and watched it. I’m not going to say I loved it, it was ok, I guess. There is one character that I don’t like and it’s not Edward. I’m just going to leave it at that. But I did go and buy the Borders two disc special. I have watched it a couple of times, but not as much as my 5 year old son. I will explain that one later on.

So do you love Twilight or do you SNARF it?

Bucket List

Bucket List-a list of things to do before you die--and stop putting off your dreams for "someday".

I know I’m only 31, but I have a bucket list. So I thought that I might list them for you today.


1. Skydiving
2. Learn to speak Italian
3. Learn to play guitar
4. Learn to play piano
5. Go to Walt Disney World
6. Run a marathon
7. Go hunting and kill deer
8. Play laser tag
9. Go skeet shooting
10. Visit a very large zoo
11. Fly somewhere new once a year
12. Alaskan cruise
13. Spend a week in Canada
14. Spend a week in Italy
15. Live in the country with my custom built house and yard
16. Lasik eye surgery
17. Breast lift
18. Eyeliner tattooed on
19. Go fishing
20. Ride 4-wheeler in mud

Now I know this list might not look like a lot or very meaningful, but it is to me. The majority of this list is attainable in my eyes, but somehow I never do them. So #1 is the first one that I want to accomplish. If and when I lose this weight that is the first thing I’m going to do, that will be my reward.


Is there anything that you put off to do "someday"?

It’s not easy being GREEN

So I totally spaced yesterday and forgot to post some pics from the St Patrick’s Day Parade that was this weekend.
The theme this year was “It’s Not Easy Being Green” As you can tell Kermit the Frog made his appearance. There were several other Muppet Characters to go along.




This was my favorite float.


I'm not sure what to say about this float. They actually had a fog machine hooked up to the hole in the back, so smoke was coming out.


And I'm not sure what this is, but it was funny so I took a picture.



Hope you had a good St Patrick's Day.

Grammical

So in my very first post I said that I love to make up words and I talk backwards all the time. This is true. One of the oldest, and most used, even by my closest friends is ‘my squeaks are breaking’. I believe I said that even before my husband and I were married. Of course I meant to say that my ‘breaks are squeaking’ but it didn’t come out that way. That is probably the most memorable backwards talk. However I do it only a daily bases. In normal everyday conversation I rearrange my words; the bad thing is I usually don’t even catch it. To make matters worse, my husband and friends know what I’m trying to say, they usually laugh and keep going.



Making up words can be fun! Although, those around you that don’t understand your lingo will sometimes look at you crazy.
Most of the words that I make up will be forgotten within a matter of minutes simply because I forget them. But the best and most used right now is ‘Grammical.’

Grammical? Yes, grammical.

I was sitting with my husband and announced that I had finished my MS. By finished I mean gotten all the words down on paper/computer. Not that is was ready to be sent out. My husband said ‘great now you can start sending it out, right?’ To this I responded, ‘uh, no, not with all those grammical errors.’ (I can see every English teacher cringing now)


So, do you like to make up words, or talk backwards?


Maybe there is a special group we could join!

TGIF

I finally have one follower. Woot Woot!! Go Jessica, it’s your birthday! Well not really, but it feels like it. Thanks to Elena for being my first and best follower.

XOXOXO



TGIF!!!!

Addiction

Addiction is a state in which the body relies on a substance for normal functioning. When this substance is removed, it can cause withdrawal.

Saturday marked my 6th day of no Coke. I believe it is the longest time period in my adult life that I have done this. Even during both pregnancies I still had 1 Coke a day. The few times I have tried to cut Coke from my life I usually made it to day 2. So to make it to day 6 is a great accomplishment for me. That being said I’m going to bare my soul to you today and tell you that Saturday afternoon after cleaning my bedroom and bathroom I had what can only be described as a small yet very loud break down. My husband had come home from work, the kids were pretending to clean their rooms and I was sitting on the bed resting for a moment. When my husband walked through our bedroom door I began to cry. Ok cry is not the right word yell and wail is more like it. I NEED A COKE!!!!! I was incoherently telling my husband that I just couldn’t do it. I needed a Coke and I needed one right now!
Now some of you might say just have a Diet Coke, and to that I will say not NO, but HELL NO!

Coke is my addiction and I need it. I don’t smoke, I don’t do illegal drugs, I do have a glass of wine every now and then, and although I’m overweight food is not really my addiction, it’s just Coke. So now you are asking why don’t you just have a coke then. No, I can’t. I’m trying to lose this Back Street Boy if it kills me. Well Saturday it almost did. The fact that I had lost 6 pounds as of Saturday was the only shred of control that I was still hanging desperately too.
After my break down I took a shower and got ready to go grocery shopping. I’ve done really well with my eating. This weekend was a small challenge compared to the Coke thing, Saturday it would have been real easy to fall into the rut of eating out and eating the wrong things, but we made it through with no casualties other than the small break down.

Now I’m going to tell you something strange. I hate Diet Coke, but I like Diet Dr. Pepper. Weird I know, but I just do. As a child and teenager I never like Dr. Pepper so I never grew accustom to the taste. So when Diet Dr. Pepper hit it big I kind of grew to like it. I still would never replace it over my Coke. So as I’m standing at the register waiting to check out the small cooler of Coke’s where calling my name. As I’m holding on to the last bit of dignity I have trying not to cry and stoke the cool bottles of Coke calling my name, my husband reaches in and hands me a Diet Dr. Pepper.

I standing there looking at him and then the bottle, then at him and then the bottle. Thinking he is trying to kill me. He looks at me with love in his eyes and says drink the damn thing before you hulk out and kill someone. I wanted to laugh but I couldn’t. I took the Diet Dr. Pepper held it in my hands and even though I know that it’s not going to be a real Coke as I twist off the lid my mouth literally fills with saliva. Sad I know.

As I stood at register 13 I closed my eyes and tilted my head back and took a long swig my face turned red, my eyes filled with water, my heart started pounding, I felt weak kneed, and my headache that I’ve had for 6 days stopped, immediately. This my friend, is addiction. And to think all these years I thought it was just Coke, no it’s Caffeine. Now don’t get me wrong I would still prefer a Coke, but in a pinch Diet Dr. Pepper is my savior.

As my eyes opened from the most magnificent 10 seconds of my life, I found my husband smiling ear to ear at me and he says now that’s the girl I married. Apparently I had been a crazed person for the past 6 days. I hadn’t even realized the outer affect it had on my emotions and reactions.
So to this I salute my giant Diet Dr. Pepper and say I will not be ashamed of my addiction.


What’s your addiction?

Dieting

Sshh! Don’t tell my body that we are going on a diet…we are just eating health. Yes I promise you can have that cheese dip and coke anytime you want it, we are just going to wait a few weeks…but I PROMISE!

That’s what I keep telling myself. Saying that I need to lose weight is any understatement. I could lose an entire Back Street Boy and would probably still need to lose another 20 pounds. I’m not sure how I let myself get to this, but I’m going to change, even if it kills me.
I’ve started eating right, and exercising. So I’m 5 days in and I’m doing pretty well. I have 1…..well actually 2 withdraws. 1st and the most important Coke a Cola, this is my cigarette. I crave it, I daydream about it, and I think I once cried for it. I can almost hear the clank of the ice hitting the sides of the glass, as the coke foams to the top sending sparks in the air tickling the tip of my nose. Ahh bliss. Coke is my addiction. 2nd is white cheese dip from my local Mexican Restaurant. Its warm cheesy goodness is something I cannot resist. So pray for me this weekend. I always seem to do well during the week, but weekends….not so much.

Weekend Edits

Off to the editor again. Ms. B is helping me a few hours again this weekend. The good thing is the little part that we’ve gone over I’ve revised and added 500 words. So yah!!!! So we will see what tomorrow holds.